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Monday, February 27th, 2006

Time:5:33 pm.
Mood: dandy.

Alright. I have a very important announcement to make, you can count down from the number three until I say it and the number of the counting shall be three. No more, no less. Four, and it is past. Two shall be a number thou shalt not count unless thou procedeth to three. Five is outright. So I shall say it one more time, count to three bitches...

1.....
2.....
5!
no-- 3!

PENIS

Thank you :)

Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Monday, January 23rd, 2006

Subject:sometimes the clouds are as beautiful as the stars... right now they're not.
Time:11:11 pm.
Mood: worst in my life.
Oh my god.

Friday was awesome, I walked around so freaking much though. Right after school I had my dancing audition for the musical. mwaha. that was hillarious. Who knew they could they could put heal-clicking and bird-arm flapping in the same dance? After that I had to walk home with my saxophone, which was a huge pain in the ass. Then when I got home I took a nap an went out with Joe all over creation. We went to the bridge over winton lake and preformed a lovely musical called "Flight of the Moltres" hahaha, it was really lamely awesome.

Saturday I got to see who got what part for the musical and I got a part that I wanted! I'm Silly Girl 1 (One of Gaston's hoes in Beauty and the Beast). Kyle was bitter and upset because he got Cogsworth and he wanted Lumiaire or the Beast or Gaston. I tried to make him feel better for a while, but I couldn't really do much so I just left him to his bruding. I went shopping with Josie and we made Valentines Cards until 10 or so, when I went home and Kelly came over and was really upset. I stayed the night with her and came home around 9.

So yeah, from Sunday 11:30ish my mom, dad, and I went shopping. I bought underwears ;). I stopped in to see Joe at work and I heard the worst news I've heard ever. He told me that Kyle made out with Allison Russle. I was floored. I just started crying in the middle of cold stone. I'm glad my parents weren't there.. I was just so upset. I still am a little. a lot. When I went home I asked Kyle about it. I freezed myself so I'd be able to take anything he said. He said that there's something different about her than there was when he was a freshman. He is a senior now. I just told him I couldn't talk to him fo the time being. That I needed time to cool off. But he just wouldn't leave me alone. I told him I was just feeling too much to say anything to him at all. If I started talking I would say something I would regret and I just couldn't deal with him. He told me to pretend he was someone else. I couldn't talk to him. I couldn't say anything to him. I was just so angry and so hurt I couldn't holt the mouse and I couldn't type. I just logged off. Everyone left the house. I screamed and I cried. Harder than I ever have before. Choking over my own breaths I couldn't even call anyone. No one was home. No one was there. I had never felt so alone in my life.

I finially got a hold of Josie and it took everything to make myself understandable. She came over and I tried to talk. I couldn't say much. But it felt good to have someone next to me who I knew would be constant and not leave. I couldn't stay in that house anymore so we decided to walk up to riley's and get some 75 cent pie. We invited Julian to come along and for a while I could pretend I was happy, even if I could feel that horrible looming sense of doom behind my eyes.

So.. Sunday ruined my weekend, but it's getting better. I can feel it getting better. He's tried so hard to try to make me feel better. trying to be funny, trying to cheer me up. It helped my mood, but nothing else. Today he gave me a ride home and he just looked in my eyes with this sort of desperiate look to try and say he was sorry without admitting verbally he was wrong.

I told Leanne everything that's happened with him since November. She's not even that close to me and she said that after all I've been through with him he should know that he's slowly killing me. But I told him to do whatever makes him happy and I can't really go against my word.

Sometime I'll post the whole story, otherwise it won't ever be clear what he's done.
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Wednesday, January 18th, 2006

Time:3:43 pm.
Mood: cool as a cucumber.
Been a long time.

A looong-ass time.


A seriousily...looooong droaning amount of time.



nah-ha

Well. Kyle. Yeah, he's only the greatest guy in the whole wide world. mrow. =^_^= mrow. We've been.. alot more since my last entry. When he had and when he broke up with his girlfriend. And I'm not saying that we had mad-hot sex while he was dating Kara, I'm saying.. we didn't. I think I'm going to start using this again. I forgot how confidential it feels to have non-dick-heads have the ability to read it. That's always nice.

I <3 Kyle
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Sunday, August 21st, 2005

Time:3:06 am.
Mood: blank....
I got bumped up into Varsity Ensamble. Isn't that cool. I mean, now it is since it's been a few days, because at first I felt all guilty and bad...

I've been talking to Steven Cleary alot more lately. He's different. Like not what I expected... It's....interesting. He says he's more than what he acts like at school. From what I have gathered from what I've been talking to him about it is so. He listens to... good music.. like sweet music, from people with amazing voices. I can't describe it. It isn't natural. He had me downloading all this stuff and I didn't find anything I didn't like. I wish he was more like this.. I don't know..more often. I'm not really being clear, but do I really have to? He's not. It hurts my head trying to figure out what I mean. Try to bare with me, I don't quite know what I'm saying. I guess I won't bother trying to figure myself or him out. He's an enigma wrapped in a kinundrum wearing a riddle.


I feel so blank. LIke fresh paper. Please write on me because this isn't a great feeling. It's so differen't.. I can't trust the judgements that I have made and it's confusing the hell out of me.

I think I'm trying to supress myself, but I don't know how or what about...

I need a psychiatrist.
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Sunday, August 14th, 2005

Time:6:10 pm.
Mood: meh?.
Wow... well, I think that band camp entry is going to have the most comments ever. On this journal. Merf. I don't know what I'm feeling right now. My stomache is oddly settled and my throat is oddly clogged. Bleh. I've been working on summer reading to get my mind off things. That and the fact that I have to. Sarah and I each chose a book to do then we're going to swich and rewrite. It's going to be harder this year because there are so many quotes and we have to come up with alternates for most of them. I am not a sloppy copier. We're supposed to divide our book into 25 page incriments (sp?) and then write a whole shitload of...hmmm ducks? Motherfucking ducks to say the least.My book has 11 sections and I'm handwriting all of my answers first, because it's just easier. I'm only just starting section 7 and I'm on handwritten page 19. Jeez. Summer reading sucks ass.

I went uniform shopping. *cringe* . It was horrifying (sp?). I've given up on pants this year. They were soooooo Hideous. blechchcharf. Thats right. blechchcharf. they were the kind that were tight up around your belly button then poofed out like you have a lard ass or something. I mean wtf? Then tose gay ass pockets that are practically vertical, so not only can you not put anything in it that won't fall out, but the poke out when you walk. Those pants are DISGUSTING. I'd rather go pantless. I'll wear skirts all year thanks. long skirts for winter. FUCK YOU SCHOOLBOARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't even mean this in a funny stupid way. Who the fuck thought it would be easier? usually you just get a few new things for the new school year, but now, noooo, we have to go buy a whole new fucking wardrobe. Then they are wasting all that fucking levy money they were begging for to have schoolbusses on hold to drive the horrible little children that don't comply. Oh yeah, and Mr.Denny. I don't know what his job was in middle school because all he did was bitch at people for wearing sweaters with no buttons, and now he's comming up. He wouldn't let me wear a duster once because he couldn't figure out what it was. Motherfucker.

Anyway...... I don't know about Cheesecake. Don't ask. I couldn't tell you. Mostly because I have no fucking idea. Don't tell me I like him, because i don't know if i do. I am fond of him. I adore him, but like? That's something else entirely. And Joe, don't get all huffy, I probably do like him more than you like that trucker bitch of yours ;)
Comments: Read 7 orAdd Your Own.

Saturday, August 6th, 2005

Subject:Been a long time.
Time:9:08 pm.
Mood: *twich twich*.
I just got back from Band Camp yesterday. Kyle Phillips is the greatest person alive. I swear, he's made of pure gold.....and skin and blood and hair and tissue and bones and muscle and cells.....but other than that pure gold. Plus he has the most georgous eyes. But don't you guys judge me and think I like him! Because I don't. It's more like I adore him without wanting him. Wanting to be around him. Wanding to share his ora. Wanting his approval. Yes. No.

He's loud.
We had American Idol on Wednesday and nobody would sign up. I ended up signing up first to get the ball rolling. We ended up with about 12 total. Some people in groups and some solo. I went solo. I sang Banana Phone by Raffi. I wore a fruit hat that I made myself from food stolen from the cafiteria. Then I ended up throwing it on the stage after an orange rolled off when I was about to sing. There were squished grapes on it the rest of the night. I won. I won with my song. Everyone loved it. I had to cut out the clairinet and piano solo and n doing so I changed key twice and said "shit" into the microphone. I forgot it was there. So I got a bunch of laughs and had to postpone the rest of the song a few minutes while everyone calmed down. At the end Kyle jumped up and screamed an whooped and hollared the loudest and didn't do that for anyone else. Everyone was suprised I could sing. That's the best part about it. Showing off hidden talents rocks my world. People kept on asking me to sing it again, but singing is for the stage and the shower so I refused. (Except once or twice in front of like 2 people). >.< . I got complements all the rest of the week ^_^ I also heard some extraordinarilly corny jokes. Such as..

"You look tired Shannon, do you need more potassium?"

and

"Hey Shannon, has anyone told you how ApPealing you look today?"

Both of which were said by Kyle. He made up the best corney jokes. Steven Cleary had a good one too, but it is rather inappropriate:

"Yeah, we could do it, but we'd have to leave the peel on so we didn't have little baby bananas running around"

3 guesses what he was talking about. Just so you know, I had NOTHING to do with that. >.> <.<

Most people just walked by and said "heehee Banana Phone" or "ring ring ring ring" I laughed and pretended they were clever. It's sad really.


I gave Tyler Somethingorother a kiss on the cheek because he got sat on by Domarco and four people had to help him out from under him. It was sad. He had Domarco BUTT JUICE all over him. ewww... fucktard.


Lots more shnit happened. I got winks from Kyle every meal, and when we got off the busses on the way home he gave everyone high-fives and when he gave me one he laced his fingers all up in mine and looked into my eyes with his big dreamy ones. and he gave me a huuuug... *sigh* I mean-- I love cheese cake.

la de da. da de la. I need to find something to do. My parents are in Canada and when I called Sarah she was like "dude, what the fuck are you doing? Shut up! Stop being weird!" I didn't really notice I was humming and making more weird noises than usual, but she said that I sounded like I had been in an insane assilum locked up in one of those padded rooms for a year. psh. shows what she knows.


leave some.
Comments: Read 12 orAdd Your Own.

Saturday, June 11th, 2005

Time:11:12 pm.
Mood: crazy.

Josie told me to do this thingie:

1. What's the first word that comes to mind when you think of me?
2. Go to http://images.google.com/ and search for that word.
3. Reply to this with one of the pictures on the first page of results (don't tell me the word).
4. Put this in your LJ so that I can do the same

and I can't tell you josie's word, but here's the picture.... XD

 

hehehehehehehehehehehehehhehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehheeeeeee!

Do it for me!!!! (but don't use the word 'sexy' because all you get is porn).........(don't ask how I know)

Comments: Read 5 orAdd Your Own.

Friday, June 10th, 2005

Time:4:20 pm.
Mood: tee hee.

tee hee hee! Isn't that great? don't answer. I know it is!

Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Friday, May 6th, 2005

Subject:Fuck me gently with a Chainsaw
Time:3:15 pm.
Mood: pissed off.
I just realized I really hate Steven Cleary. He's such a jerk. He always has to say something. He can never let anyhting go. He makes fun of people so often and doesen't have any regard for how they might feel. Whenever he says anything particularly cruel to me I can't think of anyhting to say back. He says "Wow, that was almost funny" whatam I supposed to do? I don't ever know. So I don't say anything. Or something stupid. "Setven, Fuck me gently with a chainsaw" or "Wow, you were almost a nice person for a minuite there. Better be careful or it'll actually happen" psh. who am I kidding. He'll never be a good person. He takes 'being funny' and keeps on adding on the layers until he hurts someone then he just sits there and pounds it in until you feel like shit. I don't think he's ever said sorry. At least not for real. Such a jerk. And everybody loves him for it. He gets EVERYTHING. He got in fucking Varsity ensamble. He goes flat. All the time. He has a nice tone, but he's flat. I am in concert choir. that one is second best to varsity. And you just know he's going to sit there and brag about it for weeks. It is so much easier for guys to make it. Girls can get into 3 different chourses (besides freshman chours) Women's Chorale, Concert choir, and Varsity Ensamble. Guys obviousily can't go into Womens chorale so right after their freshman year they get into Concert choir. If they even have a moderate amount of talent they go to fucking varsity. Girls have to bust their asses to get there. I am so sick of this shit and I'm sick of Steven Cleary.

Go fuck yourself.
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Wednesday, May 4th, 2005

Subject:Black is the absence of color
Time:2:45 pm.
Mood: DANdy.
Today I was just happy. I don't even know why. I'm just in an utterly delightful mood ^-^ I dare say I'm feeling DANdy. w00t. Dan is oh so very cute. Today he was playing peek-a-boo with me. On the bus I was looking at him and he was looking at me and he would duck his head behind the seat and slowy peek back out smiling and laughing. He's so silly. yes silly. Not dumb stupid or anything like that silly in an innocent, sweet, cute way. I wish he wasn't nearly so innocent. I want to see some dangerous sexyness. Sorry but golden boy's aren't very sexy. You don't feel like you can currupt them. -.^

Chris threw a french fry at my head durring lunch when I went with a bunch of people to go say hi to Keiley. Arg that boy pisses me off. He laughed at the disturbed suprised look at my face then (lucky for me) the bell rang and I had to go back to my lunch table to get my crap. I am so sick of guys. Except Dan. Dan is a-ok with me. yum dan.

Well, I have to go to the ring thing to get some bling...

leave some
Comments: Read 3 orAdd Your Own.

Sunday, May 1st, 2005

Time:7:08 pm.
Mood: pretty good.
Today I did absolutely nothing...and it was so relaxing. ^-^
I should really try doing nothing more often. The day even started out good. I had a dream about Dan that was absolutely yummy XD. I can't really remember much except that I was really happy because I knew for a fact that he liked me and didn't want anything from me he was sweet and gentle. Dan is so nice. In real-life too. tee hee.

I really wish I had more to write, but I didn't do anything today...

well, whatever...bye
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Tuesday, April 26th, 2005

Subject:Being depressed but acting happy.....how about you
Time:2:35 pm.
Mood: gloomy.
This morning I was really happy. I was singing and dancing and whatnot. I don't know what happened. In third bell I stared to feel depressed and not all hyper like I usually am. Fourth bell I felt like crying. I donno we had a test that I didn't study for and i was so tired..it sucked. I just wanted to sit down and go to sleep so i wouldn't think about anything. Before fith bell I just sat in the hallway infront of my locker and tried not to cry, but people kept on asking me what was wrong and I got so sick of throwing them fake smiles and saying I was just tired. My head feels so heavy. I'm sad and I'm angry and I don't really know why.

I wish someone could poke around my brain and tell me what's the matter, because i sure as hell don't know.

-.-

I think I'll take a nap.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Friday, April 15th, 2005

Time:9:35 pm.
Mood: good.
Went to the mall with Josie, Sarah, Anne, and Katie.

I was the Sexy cop.

I had an awesome helmet and everything.

I rated people 1-10.

That one guy at Hot Topic only got a 2 because he was PMSing.

Kellen was there and so was SEWVJ (James).

Kellen saw us posing and he said to Sewage, "I saw them posing and i nearly poked out the side"

*Note my disgruntledment*

haha tee hee

We wore our sexy helmets everywhere and got lots of complements.

I saw Kelly and said 'Hi' but she was with Brandon and therefore too good to say anything back.

Whatever.

Went with Anne and Josie on a walk and had to walk home in the dark.

Thank goodness there weren't any scary hoboes.

How did I manage to spend $18 on shoelaces and chinsese?
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Saturday, April 9th, 2005

Time:4:46 pm.
Mood: guilty.
Thursday Andrew Franswa was making fun of me and he mentioned Chris. So when I left school I was upset and pissed so I called up Chris on his cellphone to tell him off and I called him an ass as soon as he answered, he asked why, and I told him that somehow some people knew. I told him I didn't expect him to not say anything, but not to tell people like Andrew Franswa. He made me promise I wouldn't tell anyone anything and i told him that it wasn't fair. He said he didn't breathe a word. I just sat there trying to be okay and trying not to cry out of anger and exasperation 'yeah, sure' <--note my sarcasm on the phone. He said he didn't. i didn't say anythhing. he just kept on saying 'i'm sorry'

sometimes i get so tired of people. but i needed to not feel like a bitch so i curled up in bed and called sarah. She told me everything was okay and I made an assumption that anyone would make. I felt so bad. I've been ignoring him all week and when I talked to him I yelled at him and accused him of something he didn't do. maybe.

I wrote a sonnet yesterday. It was pretty good. At first I thought I was pulling stuff out of my ass like I do for poetry for school, but after I wrote it and read it over, I guess it had some meaning. I thought it sounded whiny. But, meh, I guess that's how I am sometimes. Isn't everyone...?

I forget that people have the same problems as I do sometimes. People my age still live with their parents and have to deal with them. People lie to them. People judge and are judged. People talk about others behind their backs and in front of their faces. Man will always be man's worst enemy. I wish I could see how people see me. I wish I knew what they think of when I do something stupid. I wish I knew who people really were before I said things about them. I wish people wouldn't have to change themselves to be liked. I really wish I could be who I am and no one would stop me. I guess you have to remember that highschool isn't the world. Once you're out you don't have to worry as much about how you are seen, because the world is full of people who will see you today then never again. No matter what you do not everybody will know. You can make an ass out of yourself once and not have to carry it for the rest of your life. At least not until you get a job. a carrier. something real.

that's what I wish.

I wish life was real.
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Wednesday, April 6th, 2005

Subject:Yo Dan you stone cold fox, what up?
Time:3:00 pm.
Mood: ecstatic.
Shalalala!!!

That's right Shalalala.

When I'm rich and famous I'm going to legally put three exclamation points at the end of my name. Yeah people can't resist anything with more than one exclamation point.

Dude, I got pissed at Chris and stopped talking to him like a week or so before Spring Break and I don't like him anymore, but I want him to regret being a complete ASS. Sarah mentioned that she was talking about my grandparents water skiing and he was really bad at pretending he wasn't listening, so now whenever it's conveinent she's going to mention all sors of awesome things (which there's plenty of ;D) about me when he's nearby. And in favor I'll talk to Adam Putt about her. But the scary part of it is that it's working. Chris is comming to school at least 3 times a week (which is suprising seeing as he used to come like one or two and leave early)and he's trying to get my attention descretly, by -for example- standing next to me 'accidently' or walking by several times or standing just inside his classrooms and watching me walk by. I haven't said anything to him at all, the most cotact I've had is that I nodded to him in the hallway when he said 'hi' to me and Josie when I was struggling to give her my offensive comic. If it makes you feel any better I didn't even smile.

oOOo On the bus today, I had to sit in a different seat because someone was sitting in mine, and so I faced the back of the bus instead of the front. I could see Dan the whole time. He kept on looking up at me and smiling, then shaking his head, so, of course, I had to look down at him, frown, and shake my head. He would laugh. Damn he's hot. EEEEEEEE!(!!). I did my sexy librarian look, you know, ow ow. hahaha.

Yes. Today was Good.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Saturday, March 12th, 2005

Subject:We DESERVED a one.
Time:5:24 pm.
Mood: dandy ^_^.
Bah. We had contest today. It was great until we got a two. >.< FUCK YOU JUDGES!!! I hung out with Karen, Dani, and Emily. It was utterly delightful. Chris hovering behind me wishing I would talk to him and telling loud obnoxious jokes to no one in particular. Ah yes. He wanted me. He sat in the seat next to me on the bus and told everyone a story about this lady with like 150 cats in her house and the police were cleaning it out and taking huge garbage bags of dead cats out. Only like 30 of 150 were alive. It was really disturbing. He checked my reactions and face expressions too long and too often. He told some sick jokes and I just leaned back in my seat and looked out the window. I swear he only thinks with his dick. Stupid fuckhead.

On friday my bus got in an accident. It was AWESOME. We were turning onto winton from sharon to go to school and suddenly you hear this 'ping' and we move like we hit a very small pothole. The guys in the back were shouting, "WE GOT HIT! WE GOT HIT!" and the bus driver just looked confused and was like, "Wait a minute, did we just get in a crash?" It was great. The person who hit us was a teacher and her car went under the bus and hit the hook you use to attach stuff to the back of the bus, but because she hit a but we had to call the cops and write where we were sitting when it happened and if tere were injuries. we sat on the side of the road for like half an hour. It was great I missed half of mrs bitchy-ass patracia's class. There are only like 9 people on our bus and Dan is one of them. He came up to where I sit and sat across from me. He told this stupid story about he and his friends breaking into his friends Grandmothers house for liquor. He was like, "I couldn't drink any because of the pain-killers I was taking for my ancle so I was wandering the streets with the tree most wasted guys ever. and then we were unrolling this carpet sombody was trying to throw away on the street and a car was comming so I was trying to get everyone to shut up and hide and one of the guys whips out his cellphone and starts talking to somebody.." It was funny. I always imagined Dan as the god-fearing-good-citizen who never does anything wrong. His story convinced me otherwise. Which is so much better. w00t. I had a dream about him last night, but I don't remember much except for thhat we were at the red-neck mall (cincinnati mills) before it got its make-over.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Thursday, March 10th, 2005

Subject:Holy Shit
Time:4:21 pm.

Someone at school asked me a question about Chris. A VERY personal question. One I wouldn't like to disclose. She said that she heard it in the hallway which means that people are talking. Why? NO. This is bad. I don't want people to talk. It was supposed to be personal. What the fuck? I am at a loss of words. If people do this to me I don't know what I'm going to do. He is just so fucking stupid. I think I'm done then he talks to me and I can't stop thinking about him. I don't see how I can like him. He's such a stupid fuckhead. Oh by the way, now Steven Bucanon (sp??) knows THANKS TO SARAH.  

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little
.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

-If You Forget Me ~ Pablo Neruda-

Comments: Add Your Own.

Wednesday, February 23rd, 2005

Subject:Don't-you-like-hiphonated-words?
Time:2:28 pm.
Mood: horny.
Alright. Maybe I'm not.

I was wearing this skirt today with my kick-ass knee-high combat boots and striped thigh-high stockings. Ow ow. Plus I had the school girl button-up collered shirt. w00t. It was hot. yes I admit it. very hot. ;)

Just out of curriosity, do you know how many people today have asked me, "So what's under that skirt?"? Do you? like six. Mostly strange dudes in the hallway that I ignored or when they asked me what my name was I told them I didn't have one. But after second chair tenor sax (Andrew Fr~?~?~blah) asked me, I told him I wasn't wearing anyhting under it, then he wouldn't shut up about asking me if he could get under it. >.< ANNOYING! Unfortunatly some time after (durring) that he noticed I had CB written on my hand and was either bugging me about Chris or asking about my skirt. Fortunatly Chris noticed it too. Wisha! He told me that the stockings put it over the top. He said without them it was hot, but with it was whoa. Is that a good thing or bad? Probably bad. meh, anyway we were walking down the halway talking when Andrew walked up beside Chris and told him that I had CB written on my hand. I took that as my signal to walk briskly away before he could find out for himself.

I was walking out of the school and Chris was standing there snd we walked out togeather. He asked me what was under my skirt. I said nothing. Douf. He said I should let him see it sometime I smiled and am still not putting that thought entirely out of my mind. ;) seriously me-yow hahahahahaa
Comments: Read 3 orAdd Your Own.

Tuesday, February 22nd, 2005

Subject:breathe. hold. let it go.
Time:2:45 pm.
Mood: okay.
Alright. As you can see, friday I was angry. soo angry. And, lucky me, I had to babysit my cousions. My brother came late and when the kids were asleep I started yelling and cussing at nothing in particular. Then he was being an ass so smacked him really hard and he locked himself in my uncles room and called my mom crying. Then he unlocked the door so mom could talk to me and tell me that when we got home we were going to have a big long discussion about this. yay for me. I told her I was having a bad day and that I was just taking it out on Jeremy. It was only half true, because he was being an ass. Then, once again, I am hit by the delightful lucky reign of fate. At six in the morning one of the kids is crying. The five or six year-old, Allison's ear is hurting. I didn't know what to do and I assumed it was an ear infection so I called my uncle (who had stayed somewhere overnight ;o) and he said to give her this childs medicine. hehe it knocked her out cold. Then, just as I was laying back down to go to sleep. The other kid is crying. WTF? At 6:30 in the fucking morning. So I go and check it out and this kid's wet his bed. >.< rat basterd. I got him a new pull-up (I'm not sure how he managed to wet his bed in the first place because he was wearing a pull-up then too), flipped the matress, got him new pj's, changed, and washed the sheets. What a great morning. I went back to bed (the couch) awaiting to be lectured by my mother when I got home.

A couple of hours later My uncle got home and drove me to my house where I made a point of grunting at each of my parents before going back to bed. My mom woke me up at one with a pineapple-shaped candle se got for me. I think she understood without me saying anything that my head was waging war on its self, and insead of one side winning or loosing they had just settled on destroying things. It was mushy. I went back to sleep and got up at two.

The rest of the day I wandered around in my pajamas craving ice cream. Although we didn't have any, so I had to settle on dry cereal, skittles, and toast. I went through spastic periods of crying and beating things. Although at the end of the day, I could confidently say I'm over it.
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Friday, February 18th, 2005

Subject:Joe, please run him over
Time:2:35 pm.
Mood: rejected.
I'm going crazy. Not in a good way. Asshole. FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU. stop crying. shut up. currupt. don't leave. can i sit closer to you. absolutley not. you smell good. rasmus. empty box of honeycomb. you've got to stop flirting with me. what? me, no. never. blue devils. i love you're sincerity. you liar. cool off. contradiction. can i call you sometime? so shy. so bold. no house. no car. no money. i don't care. no brains. no kidding? athiest. i hate you so much. please leave me alone. i don't know what to do. i would suggest..nevermind. forget it. forget everything. i wasn't supposed to like you. dan. soft lips. don't leave me alone. i feel so rejected. stop with the gong. i was so high. stunned silence. never say it again and i might forget. drink smoke and have sex with. joe did it. im not going to be here tomorrow. jesse is your cellphone off? i hate my brother. cought him on a look-back. his name is jack. ass. you're exactly who i thought you were, but hoped you weren't. now would be the perfect time to kiss you. i could ride bye on a horse and chop peoples heads off. if i slow down she can catch up. it's funny watching you try to carry that thing. need a ride home. actually, yes. my hair's all wet and sticky. don't know what to write. weirdo. haven't told him yet. about to eat dinner. shaking. can't currupt you. please do. spitwad. emo purse. did you see that car? what's an engine? don't know what the fuck i'm doing. kicked out. you still smell good. goodbye. goodbye.
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